Nurturing Your Children for Success

Judy had always been a top student throughout her early years education as well as upper primary education. She did her assignments well and with little effort and was often puzzled by her classmates who would appear to struggle through assignments and not perform as well as her. In response, her parents would tell her that she is very smart and gifted. Things took a turn for Judy when she got to lower secondary education. As her grades began to drop, she lost interest in her studies. Her parents tried to motivate her by continuing to emphasize her natural gifts and intelligence, but her grades continued to drop well into her senior education.

Dealing with Rejection: Moving from Hurting to Healing

In a previous post, I wrote about why rejection hurts so much and what to do about it. Here, I will focus on dealing with rejection.  It is important to understand why rejection hurts so much before embarking on how to deal with it.

Why Rejection Hurts So Much…And What to Do About It

We’ve all faced some form of rejection at one point or another- it is a natural part of life. A teenager who has few or no friends may feel rejected by peers. An individual who was given up for adoption may also experience feelings of rejection. A child who is emotionally neglected by their parents may feel rejected. An employee may experience rejection after being turned down for a desired position at work. We may experience rejection from our family of origin, a friend, a romantic partner, a potential romantic partner, a potential employer, an employer (when you lose your job or get passed up for a promotion), colleagues, group members, church ministry and even ourselves (self-rejection).

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Self-love is “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth”. Self-love is recognising your own health, wellness and happiness.  Self-love is not only important to your psychological, physical and spiritual well being but also in your everyday activities, engagements and interactions. I place self-love very highly in the hierarchy of love- at the top of my hierarchy is the love of God, and the Bible has lots of verses about loving God as well as His agape love for us. Self-love comes in second. Self-love is all about loving and appreciating yourself. Sounds pretty simple, right?

Many More Mothers Could Kill Their Newborn Babies

It is shocking and saddening to read about a recent incident of a young woman in Eastlands who slit the throats of her one-month old twins . A two-day old baby was found dumped in Shing’oto village in Kakamega  on a river bank, wrapped only in a ragged skirt.

A Mother’s Love is Forever

From the moment we find out a lady is pregnant, the first thing we tell her is CONGRATULATIONS! Well, ideally that’s the case, with exception, of course.

Juvenile Delinquency: A Prevention Approach

We talk of ‘terrible twos’ but we all seem to forget about the ‘terrible teens’. Parents of teenagers know all too well the difficulties, hurdles and challenges of raising an adolescent. Adolescence is a very tough time for teenagers…and their parents too. Parents of teenagers go through enough difficulties with their teenagers- mood swings, unruly behavior, coming home after curfew; besides them engaging in anti-social and criminal behavior. Teenagers commit crimes all over the world, Kenya being no exception.

The Hidden Pain Behind Students’ Suspensions and Expulsions

Google “UON suspension” and you will get plenty of information on the recent strike that led to the suspension of University of Nairobi students, videos of the riots, reactions of Kenyan citizens as well as what the VC of the University had to say about the incident. However, this information fails to explore some major aspects of suspension and expulsion-What comes after the suspension? What happens when the student returns home? How does the student deal with the circumstances they find themselves in? How does the parent(s) of the student react?  Basically, what happens next?

The same events went down at the Machakos University College which was shut down after a students’ strike over recent elections. Kenyatta University students also recently went on strike. These strikes are not exclusive to universities. In high schools, the 2015 wave of school strikes saw the shutting down of Kinase Boys, Stephjoy Girls, Masaii Girls, Narok Boys, Moi High School Kasugai…the list goes on and on. One such incident that hit Kenyan headlines the most was the burning of a dormitory in Stephjoy Boys High School; causing the death of two students and injured eleven.

When a student is suspended or expelled from a learning institution in response to a strike or any other occurrence, it leaves a parent stagnated and confused about their child’s future education and probably thinking to themselves ‘Where do I go from here?’ ‘What do I do?’

A common initial reaction to suspension or expulsion is anger. It is important for you, as a parent, to acknowledge these feelings of anger and disappointment but not to act on them at that time. This means, not yelling or screaming at your son or daughter while in that state of anger. It is important to relax and address the issue after you have calmed down-this could be the following day or in a few minutes, hours or days. This will give you ample time to think about what to say to your child in a calm and constructive way. We are reminded through Scripture that “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly” Proverbs 14: 29 (NIV). Additionally, your child, the young adult or adolescent, may also be angry and upset following the suspension or expulsion. As a parent, you also need to give your child time to calm down and reflect.

The best time to talk about it (because you must definitely address the issue) is when everyone is in a calm state. It is important to have a calm conversation with your son or daughter in order to have a clear understanding of the details of the incident that led to the suspension or expulsion-ask about what happened, and listen keenly to him or her. Alternatively, you can ask your son/daughter to write about it if they are unwilling or unable to talk about it.

During the period of suspension, it is important for you as a parent to ensure that your child is not idle, sleeping the whole day, watching movies or playing video games all day. It is not a vacation; hence, it is important to encourage them to maintain a school-like schedule such as doing homework or studying. Also helpful is to engage your child in extra-curricular activities in order to maintain a stimulating and engaging environment. In the case of expulsion, the same ought to apply,  as well as exploring available options and looking for a way forward. Furthermore, it is valuable to ensure that your child understands their actions as well as the consequences of their actions; this includes how their actions affect them and others.

During the period of suspension , it is important for you as the young adult or adolescent to take responsibility for your wrong doing and accept the consequences.  One of the obvious consequences is the suspension or expulsion; others include having to catch up with the missed school work, isolation from friends and many more. Additionally, it is important for the young adult or teenager to maintain the school-like schedule mentioned above. Moreover, you will have to accept that it will be a part of your record, and some people may judge you for that. Nevertheless, it is important to be able to accept and learn from your past actions and mistakes, avoid dwelling on the past and most importantly, to focus forward. “Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.” Proverbs 4:25(NLT).

Audrey is a counselling and wellness psychologist and training expert with a passion for helping individuals and organisations attain their highest emotional and psychological health levels.

As the lead consultant at Halisi Counseling & Wellness Services, her consultancy portfolio spans a wide spectrum of sectors and includes services such as psychospiritual counselling, adolescent psychological counseling, trauma counseling, self-awareness and development and training and facilitation sessions for groups and organisations.

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Why Relationships Have Become Death Traps: Unravelling the Mystery

Recent headlines have been flooded with stories of murders that are happening in romantic relationships-to put it shortly,crimes of passion. A crime of passion is a crime committed suddenly because of very strong emotional feelings, especially in a connection with a romantic relationship rather than being premeditated. Spousal killings, murders, homicides-whatever the word you choose to use-are some of the most chilling cases to make headlines in recent news.